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When You Want to Give Up

There comes a point in time when you feel like you just want to give up. When you have been trying to deal with something and it keeps getting worse instead of better. When you want to walk away and not deal with it anymore. But then you realize that your child really needs you. You and your husband are the only people who can advocate for him.

The last few weeks have been extremely difficult. In School Suspension became the regular. We were confused and lost as to what to do. I broke down and cried. Cade was sent home early from school a few days and then given Out of School Suspension.

Be the advocate.

I decided it was time to request an IEP Evaluation and went in to meet with school officials. Something was causing our happy-go-lucky child extreme frustration and we needed to figure it out. We agreed the school set him up with schedules so he knew what was coming next and more fidget tools to help him get through the day.

You see, our son was switched from Ritalin, 10 mg 3 times a day to Adderall, 10 mg 3 times a day because he needed a dosage increase and the doctor thought it would be best to try a different medication instead. Cader became unrecognizable.

Medication works for some but not others.

Some call it ‘Madderall’ for a reason. Don’t get me wrong, it works great for some people but everyone is different. Cade has never been exceptionally defiant but now he was. He refused to do anything he didn’t want to do. If he was having difficulties in school, he would throw chairs or push over desks. This child hates being teased about being different so he makes an effort not to hurt anyone’s feelings but the things that were coming out of his mouth were hurtful.

He said ‘I hate myself.’

One night at bedtime, Cade said, “I hate myself. I just want my old brain back.” Then, he started hitting himself. We knew something had to change and it needed to be NOW.

We got his medication switched yet again. This time he is on Vyvanse. An extended release tablet that he only has to take once a day. Our son told us he feels better during the day and even makes other kids laugh.

Calls from the school have gone down from multiple a day to 0. I repeat… calls have gone down to ZERO.

Bedtime is still an issue. He has been throwing things at my husband and me when we say it’s time for bed. He literally screams bloody murder when we try to talk to him.

Get help. Use your resources.

There is an organization called South Dakota Parent Connection that we were put in touch with. A counselor has been assigned to us and is sending us information to help get us through. We are also looking into behavioral therapies and parenting advice for special needs children.

This is a long journey and the IEP process takes 25 days. I am pretty sure I told my husband 2 times already this week that I can’t do it anymore. I then cried and prayed. Woke up the next day and started all over again because my child needs me. No one else is going to do for him what we can. We are the only ones who can stand up for him and give him the help he needs.

If you are going through something similar, know that you are not alone. There are others with your struggle Momma. Hang in there. There will be days you will want to give up but you also know you never will. You are a fighter.

OO, Lou

 

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Catching those ZZZ’s

How many moms out there can relate to sleep deprivation? Being a momma is hard people. Those nights where you children do everything in their power to not go to bed are the worst. Those nights where your toddler is up all night puking are a little better only because he gives you the cuddle time you so desperately miss.

Right now, I am going on 2 nights of terrible sleep due to a toddler who hasn’t wanted to go to bed and keeps waking up. It is one thing after another.  Momma, somepin eat (something to eat)? Momma, somepin dink (something to drink)? Momma, wash a show (watch a show)? Momma, yay wif you (lay with you)? The answers are the same every time. No you can’t have anything to eat, it’s nigh nigh time. You can have water. No you can’t watch a show, it’s nigh nigh time. You can lay with me for a little bit, then you have to sleep in your bed.

The bags under my eyes have bags.

I’m not even joking about the bags deal. My skin has been so sensitive lately that I can’t wear makeup to cover it up either. I definitely look the part.

See what I mean?

 

Here are some tips to help alleviate sleep deprivation.

Drink lots of water

This may not seem like a big deal but it is. When I am tired, the colder the better. Not only does your body have to warm it up in order to use it, but it’s quite refreshing.

Exercise

I don’t know about you, but whenever I workout I have more energy. Regular exercise has some power to it. Not only will you feel less fatigued, you will have more energy to get through your days. Plus, doctors recommend you get at least 30 minutes of physical activity a day anyway. It’s definitely a win-win.

Skip excess caffeine

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know caffeine is your go-to. Trust me when I say it was for me too. And I say was because it’s not anymore. I have a condition called Essential Tremors, meaning I shake. Sometimes I shake a lot and sometimes I don’t. The more I concentrate, the more I shake. Caffeine makes the shaking worse so I have stopped drinking regular coffee and switched to decaf. I still drink tea with caffeine in it sometimes but it doesn’t have nearly the amount as a cup of coffee. Excess caffeine makes you crash after a few hours. So does all the excess sugar that comes with soda and those lovely Starbucks lattes.

Bedtime Yoga

I’m not even joking about this. There have been many times where I have done this as a last resort…. notice how it’s last on the list? Haha! I should definitely start thinking of this sooner. I found this on Pinterest and every time I do it, I sleep like a baby! Here’s a great idea… Have the kids do it too.

Next time you’re feeling some fatigue coming on, give these a try and see what works best for you.

Happy sleeping little momma!

OO, Lou

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Time for You-Creating and Making Room for It

Happy Wife, Happy Life

We’ve all heard that phrase but do you ever feel like you’re failing as a mother? Do you have those days where all you want to do is hide? Or even days when you don’t like your kids? Trust me, it’s normal! You are not alone. Make time for you.

There were 2 nights this week I stayed in my bedroom all night watching house shows on Netflix. You want to know how it felt? It was amazing! I could still hear the boys arguing with each other and Mike getting after them when it went on too long, but I wasn’t the umpire. There were times last night that I honestly smiled to myself. So grateful that I was alone in my room. Mike came into the bedroom after putting the boys to bed and says “What is the matter with them? Why can’t they just get along?” I ask myself that every day.

Take time away.

I was at my breaking point this week. When Momma is about to lose her shit, it means she needs to step away. I go to the nail salon twice a month for about an hour, maybe an hour and a half. This short time is the most glorious! I don’t hear my name every 30 seconds, I don’t have a toddler asking to eat for the 17th time in 20 minutes, and I don’t have to listen to my older kids fight over who is looking at whom.

Look at these beauties

 

I love being a mother.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mother. Picking up Brady from daycare every day and hearing him yell “MOMMA,” is by far the best feeling in the world. Walking in the door at home and having Cade run around the corner and welcome us, is awesome! Chance just greets us with a yell from the other room, but hey, he still cares. Raising children to be decent human beings is exhausting. Loving them comes easy. The rest of it is tiresome.

When you as the mother are stressed out, everyone else in the house gets stressed out as well. Taking time for yourself is so important. How can you be the mother they need if your tank is empty? Don’t feel bad about taking alone time. Go to the salon and get your hair did! Pinterest has lots of good ideas. Go get that pedicure you’ve been putting off.  Go to Sephora and get a makeover. Or, do what I did and hide in your room for an evening or 2. Leave the kids for a little bit. Trust me, hubby will make it out alive and the littles will survive.

You hard working Momma of 1, 2, 3, or 7…. Take time for you. You most definitely deserve it. Show yourself love!

OO, Lou

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Decluttering Elusive Toys

Every time I want to go through the toy box to get rid of annoying toys, they go missing. I’m not sure where in the house they tend to go, but they walk off like the movie Toy Story.

Toss toys that aren’t played with.

Do you ever wonder how in the world the toy pile gets so high? Sometimes I have a hard time even remembering who got what for whom. I bribed the kids with Play-Doh and went through the toy room while they were distracted. I ended up throwing out a contractor bag full of toys. There were things in there that I hadn’t seen in months! Toss the toys that aren’t played with regardless of how new they are.

Yes, one is sitting there in his skivvies.

 

I fully believe too much stuff is claustrophobic for you and your kids.

When we take too much time off from cleaning around the house or doing laundry, I get overwhelmed and have a hard time functioning. I don’t even know where to start. That’s when my wonderful hubby steps in and takes over. When I see that my children are only playing with certain toys, I know I need to go through them and reduce. Their little minds, just like ours, cannot process so much stuff. Imaginations get stifled.

Everything needs a home.

Here are the pictures of what it looks like now. Before, the stuffed animals were all over the floor and cars were everywhere in the toy box. Now, everything is together. Granted, I need a neat place for the stuffed animals because right now, they are overtaking the newly decluttered toy box. The cars are all in their own bin. Train tracks are in a box. Books are lined up. The cows always have to be on display. Those are Little Mister’s pride and joy. I think he will be taking over the farm someday.

                                 

I can’t wait to see what they come up with now that so much has been removed.

Let imaginations run wild.

OO, Lou

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Health and Fitness is a Lifestyle

I struggled with health and fitness for 9 years before I found what worked for me. Here is my story.

Being healthy was natural. I never really had to watch what I ate while in high school and college because I was constantly moving around. Any type of fitness plan was non-existent. Then I got my first desk job and boy oh boy did I gain. Over a few years, I had gained 70 lbs and from then it just kept coming until I was pushing 220 lbs. My aunt is a Beachbody Coach and she helped me get on track and reach some goals.

In 2012, I went from 220 to 174. I focused solely on nutrition for 30 days so it became a habit before I threw in workouts. I was afraid I would fail yet again to lose weight and I didn’t want that. Being on a strict budget, I literally ate the same thing every night for dinner. My lunches were varying choices of Healthy Choice meals and breakfast was a fried egg sandwich. I was doing well and was on track.

Enter Pregnancy…

In January 2013, I found out I was pregnant. I was so happy to be a mom but along with that came another 50+ lbs. I stopped looking at the scale at the doctors office once the number was over 220 and I still had 4 months to go.  October 16th, 2013 was the happiest day of my life. Brady was born at 1:26 PM. He was 10 lbs, 8.5 oz and 21 3/4 inches long. I gave birth to a kindergartner.

Enter Depression…

Before leaving the hospital, I had already lost 20 lbs. I got down to 196 and am currently holding. My son is 3.5 years old (as of this post) and I still haven’t been able to lose the rest. My body most certainly doesn’t look like it used to and I have stretch marks where I didn’t know it was possible to have stretch marks! Seriously, no one ever told me that my bikini line would have stretch marks.

I was depressed, I wanted my old body back, I hated the marks and stretched skin I was left with. However, if I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. Coming to terms with my new body has been difficult and sometimes I still get down on myself. Then I think of this:

BIRTHMARKS by Cassie Fox

 

I grew my little man into a big, healthy, chubby, little baby. THAT alone is something to be proud of. I did that. No one else did. My husband loves me just the way I am and thinks I am a wonderful mother to all 3 boys.

My husband works out regularly and has a nice physique but he eats like crap! It never shows him down. When I eat like crap, I feel like crap.

January 2016, I started 21 Day Fix fitness program.

I used the modifier on some exercises and was able to do others no problem. Those who have already had kids know bladder control isn’t what it used to be. To this day, I still cannot jump on a trampoline or do jumping jacks without leaking. The only change I saw was muscle definition and growth. I was not losing weight and my midsection wasn’t shrinking.

I gave up!

I gave up and was down on myself all over again. After months of trying and not seeing results, I decided not to do it anymore. I didn’t want to push myself hard for nothing.

I learned something about myself after I gave up. I enjoyed the process; It wasn’t for nothing. I enjoyed getting stronger and could leg press almost as much as my husband. That was something to be proud of! I. Was. Strong! I could easily carry around my 40 lb toddler and could pick up my 60 lb 8 year old, bring him to his room, and help him through his meltdowns.

It’s not about losing the weight.

It’s about being healthier and stronger than I was. It’s about being able to keep up with my kids who are always on the go. It’s about showing them what it means to never give up. Even if you can’t see it…

ALL PROGRESS IS STILL PROGRESS

Trust in yourself, Trust in the process. The process will make you happy.

You got this!

OO, Lou

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Reading-Trying to make time

Between 3 kids ages 2, 8, and 10, a full-time job, and a 5 month old puppy, I don’t get a lot of down time. The time I do have, I usually try to work on this blog.

Just look at how cute they were at Monster Jam!

 

However, I try to squeeze a little bit in on breaks at work. Hey… 15 minutes in a book is always time well spent.

Messy Beautiful Love by Darlene Schacht

This book is awesome! I am almost finished with it. I often find myself trying to take over and not trusting my husband to lead the way I should. This book sets a good reminder for me. Not going to lie, it is extremely hard to give over control when you are used to having it.

You are a Badass by Jen Sincero

This is the book I read while on the elliptical at the gym. Now, it has been a while since I’ve been to the gym (I usually just work out at home) so I am a little behind on this one. I am a few chapters in and Jen is hilarious! If for some reason the only thing you get out of this book is a laugh, it’s still worth it.

Next on my list of reads are:

Grace Not Perfection by Emily Ley

The Faith Dare by Debbie Alsdorf

Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst

 

If you have read any of these books, let me know what you thought of them!

 

OO, Lou

 

 

 

 

 

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DIY Glittered Desk

When I first told hubby I wanted him to make me a desk, I had this idea in mind.

I found it on Pinterest here. This was a great tutorial and I found it easy to follow. I am not a fan of gold so I put my own spin on it. The list of everything we used can be found at the end of this tutorial.

Here is what we started with:

We already had the top piece sitting around from an old project. I also didn’t want legs so this is what he came up with.

The first step was cover the wall with paper and the floor with plastic so it wouldn’t get ruined.

Then, I spray painted the wood light purple, my favorite color, to give a nice base under the epoxy coating.

Ventilation: We needed to be able to breath through this.

We opened some windows and set up a couple fans to help. I am not a very patient person so this was a must in order to speed up the drying process too.

Once dry, we started the mixing process of Glaze Coat. I forgot to take pictures of how much I used but I filled one cup to 300 mL with Resin and the 2nd cup to 300 mL with Hardener. It is important to use exactly the same of each or you will have spots that won’t harden and will always be tacky. Without the hardener, the resin will remain a gooey mess.

Mix, mix, mix…

I poured the hardener into the resin and used a shim to stir for 6 MINUTES! The hardware store was out of stir sticks so I used what I had on hand. While I was stirring, I added the glitter. I bought a brand new container and used almost all of it. After that 6 minutes is up, pour it into the other cup and begin stirring again for an additional 6 MINUTES!

Once this was finished and my hand was good and cramped, I poured it all onto the desktop at once. I began spreading with the small yellow tool while Mike used the trowel. This stuff is self leveling so the divots the trowel left filled themselves in. The trowel worked best so I let him have at it and I filled in close to the edges where he couldn’t easily reach.

After we had it all spread out where we wanted it, Mike took out the heat gun and began getting rid of air bubbles. If you don’t have a heat gun, you can use a blow torch. We had both and ended up using both. Some bubbles were a little more stubborn.

See him kneeling on the plastic… yep, he got it all over his knees and ruined his jeans.

 

Patience is not my virtue.

It was finally time to leave it alone to harden. I did end up touching it after about an hour because I literally couldn’t help myself and got it all over my fingers. I went to show my husband what I did and it had already self leveled out so the only proof was the goop on my fingers. Normal soap would not get it off my hands so thank goodness my husband likes tinkering with things and getting dirty. We had some Fast Orange on hand and it took everything right off.

Overall, this was a fun project and I am thankful that my husband helped me out. I really enjoy doing things with him. Most of the time, my projects are too girly for him and he just watches or finds something else to do, HA!

Product list:

1- Famowood Glaze Coat, 2- clear Mix’n Measure cups (with measurements on the side), Glitter (Hobby Lobby), spray paint or stain of your choice for a base, trowel, heat gun or blow torch.

ENJOY!!

Thanks so much guys, I hope you have just as much fun as we did making this.

OO, Lou

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Old Fashioned Love Letter

Society has gotten away from the traditional ways of communication. Most people text others when they wish to talk. I am certainly guilty of this but in honor of Valentines Day, I wanted to write a little something to my husband.

When I first met you, I literally had no idea you would come to mean this much to me. I heard your voice before seeing your face and immediately had butterflies in my stomach. Then, you walked around the corner and I saw a set of gorgeous blue eyes. Let’s not forget the biceps in that t-shirt you were wearing either…yes please! A man who took care of himself was top on my priority list because I was getting healthier also. As the evening progressed and we talked more and more, I relaxed. I never thought I would be next to someone and automatically feel like I was home. I felt safe around you from the very first night and we both know that with my past and being a domestic violence survivor, feeling safe was huge!

One week later, we had a double date at my favorite place, Buffalo Wild Wings. After a week of talking to you constantly, I couldn’t wait to see you. That night, we had our first kiss. You told me I had soft lips, thank goodness for that chapstick addiction you tease me about! After that, we pretty much became inseparable. One year later, you proposed and 2 months later, we got married. Nothing fancy and no frills; just love.

The love I have for you is the same love I have for our kids. When I look at you sometimes I get so emotional, tears come to my eyes. You are an amazing father and husband. You put up with me when I don’t even like myself. You are always there to comfort me when I need you to and give me space when I am mom-zilla. You never make me feel less than and always build me up. My heart is constantly overflowing because of the way you take care of me and the boys. Because of my fight with anxiety and depression, I never thought I would find someone who accepts me, cherishes me, and wholeheartedly loves me just the way I am. I thank God for you every day. For the man and father you are. I am simply awed by your love and will forever be grateful.

All my love, Always

xoxoxoxo, Wifey

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Hmm…ADHD?

Let’s talk about ADHD for a few. I know many people think this is just an excuse you use when your children are out of control, however, I also know from experience that is not true. I have adult ADHD and I don’t let that slow me down. Loud noises and lots of commotion, among other things, are an issue for me but that’s not what this post is about. I am writing this about my 8 year old son. He gets so excited over things that you wouldn’t normally get excited over. For example, you want to play with the dog so you throw a toy a few times and you’re good… not, Cadertot. He decides he wants to play with the dog and it becomes a whole body movement which includes vocals that can rival any rock band. I’m talking throwing the toy, chasing the dog whose chasing the toy, yelling the whole way, and screeching when the dog gets there first because he wanted to win. That is when it clashes with mine.

My need for quiet and calm quickly clashes with his uncontrollable excitement and chaos of another kind ensues. You see, ADHD manifests itself differently in everyone. I was always able to focus in school and do what I needed to do. I didn’t need medication to get through the day but my son is different. Currently, we are trying to get his prescription just right to where it takes the edge off enough that he is able to concentrate and listen in school. The phone calls we get from the principal happen about 3-4 days a week. We are told he runs around class screaming and won’t listen to the teacher or calm down.

Another thing about ADHD is that sometimes, you literally cannot control yourself. Your body and mind all work against each other. Everything is amazing! Everything needs attention! Now, if you catch him on a good day or get him doing something he loves, you will not find a more focused child. He doesn’t quit. He will try and try until he completes his task. He will be so proud of himself afterwards and the need to show off is that of any child. Momma come see what I did, isn’t it amazing?

I have been doing A LOT of research on ADHD lately and have learned quite a bit. I have replaced Cadertot’s sugary cereal breakfast with a fried egg sandwich. So far, I haven’t noticed a difference in his behavior by limiting his sugar but he does remain fuller longer. This also helps him focus in school. We are looking into supplements like fish oil, B6, and magnesium which are all linked to ADHD support. A more extensive list of helpful changes can be found here.

I am even open to trying chiropractic care and essential oils if it can help. It breaks my heart to hear him say people make fun of him in school because of how he reacts sometimes. No child deserves this and we will keep fighting to do what is best for him. I will keep posting updates about our progress. If you have any questions or advice of your own, feel free to leave me a comment or drop me an email.

OO, Lou